


Out of Reach

by nom



Category: Battlestar Galactica 2003
Genre: F/M, kara/zak - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-18
Updated: 2010-04-18
Packaged: 2017-10-09 00:51:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/81259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nom/pseuds/nom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Kara dies, Lee finds something she brought back from Caprica.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Out of Reach

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [](http://community.livejournal.com/bsg_kink/profile)[**bsg_kink**](http://community.livejournal.com/bsg_kink/) pornography challenge.
> 
> **Spoilers:** Set just after S3's "Maelstrom."

After Kara's death – he knows she's not coming back from this one, no one could, with her Viper exploding like that – it's his job to go through her things.

Her clothes will go to the other pilots who can use them. Her personal items will go to Sam and to her friends; no auction this time, he decides. Privilege of being CAG, and Kara's... whatever he is. Was. In any case, he'll sort out who gets what.

She gave Dad her Aurora figurine, so he takes the ones of Aphrodite and Artemis for himself. They meant something to her.

Running his hands over them, he finds an unevenness. He picks at it, and finds a tiny memory module hidden inside the Aphrodite statue. He's sure it wasn't there before, the last time he handled these idols. She must have brought it back from Caprica on one of her trips.

There's not much on the memory module, he discovers. Two files: video clips, one short, one longer.  
*

 

The short vid is of the three of them, Zak, Kara, and himself, an outdoor dinner in a park or a backyard on Caprica, years ago.

It's just a minute or so of Kara's voice saying, "Smile guys! Oh lords, watch the frakking grill, that's my steak!" and Zak and him caught on camera frantically turning back to the grill – suddenly he remembers that, fearing foot-high flames – finding nothing wrong.

Zak bounds towards the camera and tackles Kara. There's a shot of the grass approaching – the camera falling to the ground and being picked up again. That's right, he'd picked it up.

A fuzzy moving shot and there's Zak wrestling with and tickling Kara, pinning her down, Kara with that big infectious laugh weakly batting at Zak who's laughing too, both of them rolling on the green grass. Then it ends.

*

Remembering hurts. Kara, gone. His brother, gone. Caprica, gone. Carefree days, sunshine, steaks, barbeques and grass, all gone.

The simple – well, anything to do with Kara was never simple, but at that time still relatively uncomplicated – joy of seeing his little brother happy. Even if it was with the woman he wished he'd met first, and back then, planned never to get drunk with again. Everything, gone.

Lee breathes deeply, wipes his eyes. He stares at nothing for a while before looking at the second file.  
*

 

The longer file is....

The lighting is dim and shadowed, but the bodies moving on the couch are clearly Kara and his brother. Zak is naked, Kara is wearing a rumpled tank top and nothing else.

Kara and Zak are kissing, long lush kisses, their bodies twining around each other. They alternate the press of lips and dance of tongues with excursions to the other's throat, neck, ears, collarbone, jaw. Kara's hands are busy too, running over Zak's back, along his spine, his nape.

The sounds Zak makes are unfamiliar, but Lee recognizes Kara's little noises, her caught breaths and faint moans. There's some kind of music playing faintly in the background, instrumental, piano maybe.

*

They've moved so Kara's on top, hands framing Zak's face in the half-light, kissing him fiercely before moving down. She bites and licks her way over his chest, nipples, ribs, and abs before coming to rest at his groin. His brother's hands are in her hair; it shines bright between his fingers. Kara's hair, so soft, he misses– he'll never get to touch it again.

On the vid, Kara takes Zak into her mouth, one hand on his hip, the other gripping and stroking him in rhythm with her mouth. Lee watches Zak's fingers clench, hears him groan Kara's name as she brings him to orgasm.

He sees the motion of her throat when Kara swallows for Zak.

She doesn't – didn't – always, Lee knows. But for Zak she does, keeping her mouth on him and gentling him through the aftershocks. She'd done that for Lee, once or twice, when they had time and were having sex that didn't feel quite as angry or desperate as usual.

Zak tugs her back up and they kiss again, Zak delving into her mouth, where he must be able to taste himself. Kara's soft, generous lips, his own taste on them, no wonder he's sinking into her, groaning her name. Then he flips her – well, Kara lets him flip her, Lee knows her strength, intimately – so Zak's on top.

"Love you," Lee hears Zak say. Kara doesn't say anything, though her kiss – deep and sweet, how her face is tilted up towards Zak – looks like a convincing answer.

Zak strips off Kara's tank, and moves lower in his turn, touching and kissing every line and curve of her body, mouthing her breasts, sucking her nipples hard and wet.

Lee watches his brother take one of Kara's hands and place it on her breast, suck her finger into his mouth and rub it around her nipple, sees Kara keep rubbing for him and for herself, for her own pleasure and Zak's desire. She alternates between both nipples to keep them pebbled tight, moaning and sighing when Zak's mouth moves further down.

Zak tongue-fraks her belly-button, then bites around it a lot harder than Lee ever would. Did. Had. But Kara seems to like it, arching up before using her other hand to guide Zak's head down between her thighs, open in supplication.

*

Lee has seen Kara eager, greedy, desperate, angry, contented, and even, that time on New Caprica, a little tentative during sex.

The way she is here, on the vid, he's not sure he's experienced that. Kara so _yielding_, hungry and tender and eager at once, he's only gotten glimmers of that, not enough to satisfy.

Never enough to satisfy, now.

Urgent and taking what they needed from each other, or desperately trying to give the other enough to satisfy – that was them, Lee and Kara. He wishes he could have had this, this obvious joy in each other's bodies Kara and Zak share, this careless trust, this desire to give and offer and take for the pure delight of it.

He and Kara didn't get that. Still, seeing Zak and Kara share it is... not quite but almost good enough.

Not some stranger but Zak, letting him see what he wishes he could have had. Kara so gorgeous, so open.... If it had to be for anyone other than him, better his little brother – his brother, whose face is buried between Kara's thighs, splayed open for him.

Lee remembers the saltsweet-tangy taste of her, her slick folds. He remembers how Kara liked to be licked and tongued. He could never get enough of her taste, her hungry sounds when he went down on her, always wishing they had more time for this. But the ever-present feeling of urgency and need turned their stolen time together into a too-quick hard frak, more often than not.

Kara and Zak, in the time they had together, _had_ the luxury of time, of not needing to rush, had time to play and tease and taste and touch for as long as they wanted. Rationally, Lee's always known that. It's just that this vid makes it more painfully obvious what they had, what Zak got with Kara, and he never did.

*

No. He shouldn't mourn all the time he didn't get to have, to see, to hear, to experience, all the time he didn't get with Kara, he doesn't, he can't. Not while he watches his brother move a hand from Kara's thigh to her cunt.

Zak must be squirming his hand alongside his mouth so he can use his thumb or fingers the way Lee used to, too. Giving her that fast hard rhythm on her clit that she loved, that set her off like a rocket, and yes, that's it, there's his girl, there's Kara arching up and hoarsely shouting "Zak!" when she comes.

"Zak," not "Lee." Still, it's beautiful to see her come, to get this chance to watch her face – lovely and young and so much less careworn – go tense then slack in pleasure.

He watches as his brother moves back up her body, Kara's arms reaching for him until they kiss again. This time it's her taste on his lips – Lee notices how Zak's chin faintly gleams with Kara's juices until she licks and mouths them away, their kisses slow and intimate.

Zak frees a hand and reaches down, angles his hips to enter her, and Lee isn't envious, no, that's no use.

All he can do is look, eyes glued to the screen, watch Kara and Zak take pleasure in each other, frak each other, reach for and grasp and clutch, moving and moaning and whispering tender nothings on their couch. First Zak on top, thrusting slowly, then Kara, rising up and sinking down onto Zak's cock again and again, followed by Zak on top once more, going faster and deeper at Kara's gasped-out urgings.  
*

 

Lee's climax finally comes as he strokes himself with hard, almost brutal pulls to the image of Zak thrusting into Kara, at a pace that if it were him would mean he was almost there. His orgasm is overwhelming, feels more intense than anything sexual has in months. For a while, he can't hear anything for the rushing in his ears, and when he opens his eyes again, the screen is dark.

He thinks he should feel worse about jerking off to a vid of his brother and Kara. Having sex. Making love.

Back when there _was_ such a thing as making love for the want and the pure joy of it, when time and desire and happiness still seemed within reach.

Before sex and love turned into other things. Before they became shouts of survival, barterable commodities, brief or elaborate defenses against fear and loss. Became grasping desperation, unfulfillable needs, or numb and worn-down motions.

Lee knows he shouldn't have watched this vid at all. He should have stopped himself as soon as he realized what it was. He certainly shouldn't watch it again.

The other one's okay maybe, a minute of harmless indulgence in a life lost on Caprica. He could save it to a separate module, or erase the second vid, just keep the first one.

Frak that.

They say vicarious living isn't healthy, but with the way their lives are – on the run and always only a heartbeat away from the edge, desperation and despair stalking the fleet just as much as the toasters do – he doesn't give a damn. He doesn't care if it's unhealthy or if his sense of what's right has gone numb, gone dead.

In the second vid Kara and his brother are beautiful, both of them, and so alive. He doesn't care if it's wrong, he _will_ look at it again.

He'll keep watching, Kara and Zak, Zak and Kara, absorbed in each other but his now, both of them his, his until the module fails.  
 

**

**Author's Note:**

> ** [Endnote](http://nomanomynous.livejournal.com/6142.html#cutid1) **
> 
> Feedback? Appreciated, here or [at LJ](http://nomanomynous.livejournal.com/6142.html).


End file.
